If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
