but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
