I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
