hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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