His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
