I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
