I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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