this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
