Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
