You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
