If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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