It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
