If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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