Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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