Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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