apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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