is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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