My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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