she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
