Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Panties = found
Randomize
