i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize