Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
