is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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