The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
