We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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