Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
