everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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