Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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