I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
