She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
