rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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