It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have feelings that need drinking.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When are your genitals available?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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