Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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