We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I still have a little drunk in my system
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
