Apparently you make a good broom.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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