I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
