It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
