He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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