I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
