If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
