I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
