He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
