Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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