I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
