Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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