I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
