i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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