I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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