she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
