He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
