worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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