lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
