He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
