Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have aggressive nipples.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
