i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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