I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
