if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
