so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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