Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
