Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
