There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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