You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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