it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
