Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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