are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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