Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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