I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
