I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
