Who did Billy Mays play for?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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