you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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