there's paper in my vomit.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
