If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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