Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
