We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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