M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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