I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
