Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
